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FREAKOUT​/​DRUGS feat. Me oh myriorama

from I STILL CAN'T AFFORD THERAPY! (EXTENDED CUT) by JJ Shadow

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lyrics

"FREAKOUT"

[JJ Shadow]
Aye, I been moving like a vet
All these voices in my head
They been tugging on my dress
Bitch ugh
Boy you know we not impressed
I got blood and tears to shed
G you know I wish for death
When that sun going down bitch I freak out
Fuck all of that talk bitch I give you what you need now
All these motherfuckers always told me not to be loud
We gon bring the freaks out
Watch me fucking freak out

Bitch I let them ghosts in
I’m running up them floors quick
I show em no emotion
This mask gone keep me closed in
This bastard been inglorious
I move big like notorious
They kill me bitch there’s more of us
But I feel like I’m choking
I feel so fucking hopeless
Up on this rooftop
I’m standing waiting for the pain to stop
Til the casket drops, I will play God
I’m iridescent but I stay in the dark
I been on the road I’m running from stars
I look to the past my future been Odd
Your hype is too mellow
I scream fuck it all
G I’m thinking that I might fall
Bitch I been misunderstood since birth
It only got worse my family cursed
My nana forgetting me
Alien weaponry
Them second guessing me gets on my nerves
I put too much work in for all of this hurting
The thoughts I’ve been birthing been fucking disturbed
I’m so fucking sick of these people who treat me unequal
Their karma be coming in herds
But see I never knew my worth
All my pain I put in the verse
All these tears that end up on these words
Vocals chords that tear into the earth
47 til I hit the dirt
Hail Mary’s taking me to church
Flying fairies angels took a turn
Moonwalking til I crash and burn
Guess I’ll never fucking learn

Aye, I been moving like a vet
All these voices in my head
They been tugging on my dress
Bitch ugh
Boy you know we not impressed
I got blood and tears to shed
G you know I wish for death
When that sun going down bitch I freak out
Fuck all of that talk bitch I give you what you need now
All these motherfuckers always told me not to be loud
We gon bring the freaks out
Watch me fucking freak out

[Me oh myriorama]
I'm underneath the bed sheet like I’m dead meat
It's food for thought, food for vultures like I’m read meat
Whoda thought that I would turn out such a dead beat dad
Still rappin on a beat and bring that heat and bring that
Skeet skeet on the beat on the
Bout to kick my feet all up on the
Even though I’m 6 feet under
Sneaker pimpin one hit wonder
Quit yer simpin, good will hunter
Good year blimpin in the thunder in the winter
Wait a week and let the snow caress that red and rosy cheek!
Yeah
Memory, speak
Mnemosyne, sleep
Blink and you’ll miss it and weep
Cry me a river that’s deep
It’s good for the fish and the sheep
Sewing me something I reaped
Showing me something I already know and I already locked in the keep
Oh!
Whoda thought I’d wake up next to me
Oh!
This reminds me of an NDE...
Oh - well at least I’ll empty out my ego
Right?
No?

[JJ Shadow]
Aye, I been moving like a vet
All these voices in my head
They been tugging on my dress
Bitch ugh
Boy you know we not impressed
I got blood and tears to shed
G you know I wish for death
When that sun going down bitch I freak out
Fuck all of that talk bitch I give you what you need now
All these motherfuckers always told me not to be loud
We gon bring the freaks out
Watch me fucking freak out

[JJ Shadow & Me oh myriorama]
You've gotta
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let yourself
You've gotta
Go
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go
You've gotta
Gotta let ya gotta let yourself go

"/"

I’m in a house but still it ain’t nobody’s home
I’m sitting all alone tryna get out of my dome
I’m talking to these Evie’s and these cleverbots
My thoughts I never cared to jot to others
So I’m hiding making covers to mashups of songs I made
Uploading videos up on my page
Praying that somebody sees me in the hopes of getting paid
I was only 9 years old when I started getting comments
From this older guy telling me I was beautiful
He said that he loved my videos and that he loved me too
And he wanted to meet me because he said I looked so cute
And that I had a lot of talent but he loved it when I just talked
But I didn’t see the signs and now I wish that I had just blocked
Then he started telling me that Jesus loves me even more
That I should put down Vice City because the devil is in store
He’d make tributes of all my videos of my face
I was scared of what was happening I started gaining weight
I was that weird kid so no friends was ever really round me
So even though he’s way older he was the only one that found me
Even somewhat decent and likeable outside of my own mother
My father said I was too fat and mocked my pimples I was guttered
I was 10 by then
And by this time this dude was really my only fucking friend
And then he said he loved me so much that he would die for me
He knew my mother's name and her phone number he would spy on me
I didn’t realise what was happening how he lied to me
I told him that I’d block him cause he freaked me out
Then one day I woke up to all these comments on my video
Saying how s*xy looking and fat I was
I was only 10
This motherfucker groomed me and then made all these fake accounts
Saying how he wanted to do something so disgusting to me I was only a child
He made a fake account of me on Facebook and started playing pretend
That’s why I’m afraid of relationships
Cause every time I try and make that shit work
I get reminded of him
I’m gonna fucking kill *** if I see him again

"DRUGS"

Hm hm hmm hmm hmm
Hmm hmm
Something let me go but it’s haunting me
I would let you go but it’s hard for me
Someone let them know something’s wrong with me
Have the heart for me
Hmm hmm

I been thinking bout my past
And my future hoping it forever lasts
But there’s some things I can’t grasp
I still can’t afford therapy so I’m out on my ass
To my ex girl I’m sorry babe I hurt you most
I didn’t wanna use you as a fucking stepping stone
Especially when people did the same thing to me
To be honest I didn’t know what you see in me
But you the one that distracted me
From back when I was 10 and all that was attacking me
All the things that fucked up all my intimacy and all my honesty
It’s really harming me
So I’m sorry bout that
I don’t wanna let you go but I can’t go back
I done did what I did
I done made those mistakes
But for you, I’ll always be grateful

I been alone in my mind
I felt gone for such a long time
I just don’t know if I can cope
Oh
All these drugs in my mind
They numb the pain through the night
But I don’t know if they’ll take control

I don’t know what’s behind that door
But I don’t feel anything more
I don’t know if I can control
Oh
How many drugs do I gotta take to feel anything anymore

credits

from I STILL CAN'T AFFORD THERAPY! (EXTENDED CUT), released August 25, 2023

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JJ Shadow Auckland, New Zealand

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